Tuesday, September 15, 2015

"Do You Love Me?"

"WHY do you love me?"

Most of us at one time or another, have been asked this question. It is often asked in a romantic context but it may also apply to parents, children, siblings, friends, employers, etc.  If you don't already know it, this is not a good question to ask, or be asked. And an even worse one to answer.

Being lovable is hard work. 

We crave validation and reassurance. The human ego is as fragile as a baby bird's wing. It is the only body part that we are obsessed with. We don't think much about our other body parts or our internal organs unless they hurt in some way. We pretty much take them for granted unless something goes wrong.

But our mind -- our ego -- well, it dominates our lives. It is at risk of injury (real, or perceived) at any moment and we must be vigilant to protect it. Love or approval could be denied or withdrawn at any time. It doesn't even have to actually happen to cause us pain. Just anticipating some slight or insult is painful. Our internal cry is "defend and protect" at all times!

We must constantly update our references and arguments for receiving and keeping love.


And so we strive and struggle to get lovable and stay lovable. We wrestle with our appearance, our behavior, and most especially with our performance. It is the most exhausting work imaginable. And when we are distracted from working on ourselves, we project the same brutal spotlight on those around us. In fact, that is a big part of the whole process. How would we know that we are lovable unless we have someone else to compare ourselves to?

We must keep our outward appearance and our inner dialogue working constantly to attain, sustain, and maintain a stellar list of references and arguments -- to ourselves and others -- in order to feel worthy.

We are always asking the question "WHY do you love me?" 


It is deep in our sub-conscious mind and it drives us. We want reassuring answers so that we know we are OK -- even for a nano-second (because it never lasts). Our work is relentless, unforgiving, and so-very-short-lived.

Beware: This question itself is a trap!


When someone asks "Why do you love me?" -- or, you ask yourself "Why am I lovable?" -- it is normal to begin listing all of the wonderful qualities that we observe in him, her, or ourselves. But this is a trap: DO NOT FALL INTO IT! 

A typical list may include beauty, intelligence, loving qualities and abilities, etc. Whatever makes it on to the list will create a story in the mind that goes something like this: I am loved because of the items on that list. The actual love is then tethered to the "conditions" on the list.

But (and this is really big!) what happens when any of those things disappear from the list? (And most of them surely will, eventually.) Then, it follows, that the love goes with it. And we feel less loved with each fading item on the list.

God gave us the ONLY good answer to the question "Why do you love me?"

In Deuteronomy 7:7, the Bible tells us God loves us... just because He loves us. No reason other than He decided to do so. It simply pleases Him to love us.

"God wasn’t attracted to you and didn’t choose you because you were big and important—the fact is, there was almost nothing to you. He did it out of sheer love..."

(Deuteronomy 7:7, The Message)

Our worth is not in any way tied to us

It's all about HIM and what He decided to do.

So the next time someone asks you the question "Why do you love me?" the correct answer is "I love you just because I love you." Wow, what a gift to give to someone, and most especially to yourself.  

Remember though, you cannot give away what you have not received. Soak up God's unconditional love for you, and then try your best to pay it forward.

I have a song for everything: "Who Am I" by Casting Crowns.

1 comment:

  1. I really liked your blog, Sharon AND also the song by Casting Crowns! Thanks for sending to me!


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